Whatever

pff almost through the exams, I'll be happy when I'm done with it.
but then right now I'm done with everything!
so sick of it!
I just need a lil of love.. is that so much asked?
the people I love dislike/hate me...
there's just one bloody stalker that claims to love me..
I feel just random pathetic...
I could use a lil understanding from people, a hug, a lil affection?
didn't think so :(
only thing I get is bullshit/troubles
- having a bloody flue isn't helping much i feel like shit!
-my brother that keeps bullying me and I can't do a thing back 'cuz if I do mum kicks me out of the house :(
- my parents that are just looking for reasons so they can kick me out, and they ain't hiding it :(
- school: I'm just tired of it, I just want to stop, it's stressing me to much, and the only thing the teachers do is giving me more stress, they get paid , so actually they should make that bloody homework, but no, they're giving us the bloody work, the essay for the end of this year, preparing a lesson for history, preparing a lesson for religion, making a task for this, one for that and the other 5 classes, then also a test for 3 classes :s like FFS what the hell?
fuck off
do your job and do it yourself!

am glad that I at least still have my boyfriend, yes sex is great to get rid of the bloody frustration :D but to be honest , he's a lil old...though he's sweet and stuff, I know I won't get married to him, not have his babies, there is no future for him and me. but I need someone to love, and I need to feel like there is someone that loves me... it's the only reason why I refuse to become depressed again :(

you know you always want what ypu can't have.. it's stupid, 'cuz you know it doesn't belong too you, but still You would do anything to get even a lil closer *sigh*
it's just weird, 'cuz I'm over it, I'm moving on, but still somewhere I miss her, it doesn't hurt like it used to, it's not ripping me apart any more when I think of it. I can live knowing it' will never come back, knowing that it'll be okay, hoping she 'll be al right... ah well I'd do anything to reverse the time :) but right now i cherish the memories, being happy that I at least had the chance, yeah I fucked it up, and I'm the only one to blame... *sigh*

I had the most weirdest dream ever but I ain't gonna tell it, cuz some where i hope it'll come true.. though i know it ain't possible
anyways
meery x-mas and a happy new year?
i'mm gonna skip the holiday days cuz i'm not really in the mood for it ;)

X Anke

Rehab

I suck in everything. or suck everything... whatever, both works :)
any ways, mum bitched me off to damn much in a short time.
ran to my room, even there she didn't left me alone,
so when she left, I just dunno what I did...
next moment am sitting at my bed, blood pulsing, running down my skin, cuts,
with welling blood. I don't remember taking the decision of doing it,
which actually scared me a little. the bigger problem was after 2 days later I was having physical education, yes in a T-shirt .. that sucked... but so far no one has noticed yet.... so i guess I went back to rehab :(

me and my flirty behaviour got me into some funny shit lately... definitely since I started chatting to Belgium guys, it got me in a car with a guy doing stuff I should so not be doing... but at the other side, sex in a car is fun!!!
I have a new appointment with him on Sunday :D And I love it...
though I don't know or it will ever be something between him and me, but right now,
it's great to get rid of all the stresses..
next week I have an appointment with the psychologist
we'll see what happens with that ...
the next 17 dates are already arranged ... which is kinda weird
any ways
school sucks am totally done with it, I actually think I should quit, but I still want to be a teacher, I just need to get out of that bloody high school before I totally lose it !

so what is your addiction?